September 17, 2013

  • killing me vibrantly

    when physical and emotional problems come together,

    somehow it’s really hard to get hold of yourself.


    My emotions and feelings collapsed, and all these turns into tears

    I didn’t tell this to anyone beside him.

    I don’t know who I can go for a talk, I don’t know what can I do about that.

    I felt weak, shame of myself.


    sometimes pressure just come,

    you don’t know how to breathe,

    you felt tiredness and wanted to run away.


    I feel like I can’t eat or sleep anymore.

    I don’t know who to talk to,

    I don’t know what I can do except crying to vent out my pressures.


    I can feel like I am killing myself everyday.


    Blessing and praying for everyone I loved.

    Trying not to bother them, hoping they could enjoy their lives.

    Keeping all these negative emotions to myself.

    And present the best mask I could put on to hide away my weakness.


    Whenever i feel weak,

    i just always hope that there’s someone who can save me from all these sufferings.

    Embrace my fragile heart and hug me tight to prove that I am still alive.

    But it just never happened.

    All i can do is type out all these for myself,

    and cry to myself and comfort myself that I will be fine.


    I am so tired of doing all these by myself for the whole life,

    lying to myself that I am fine,

    lying to myself that everyone is much stronger than me,

    lying to myself that I can handle it.

    but i just can’t say a word or cry in front of people I loved.

    it’s so painful.

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