maybe i just expect too much of that

maybe im just too sensitive

 

when physical and emotional problems come together,

somehow it’s really hard to get hold of yourself.

 

My emotions and feelings collapsed, and all these turns into tears

I didn’t tell this to anyone beside him.

I don’t know who I can go for a talk, I don’t know what can I do about that.

I felt weak, shame of myself.

 

sometimes pressure just come,

you don’t know how to breathe,

you felt tiredness and wanted to run away.

 

I feel like I can’t eat or sleep anymore.

I don’t know who to talk to,

I don’t know what I can do except crying to vent out my pressures.

 

I can feel like I am killing myself everyday.

 

Blessing and praying for everyone I loved.

Trying not to bother them, hoping they could enjoy their lives.

Keeping all these negative emotions to myself.

And present the best mask I could put on to hide away my weakness.

 

Whenever i feel weak,

i just always hope that there’s someone who can save me from all these sufferings.

Embrace my fragile heart and hug me tight to prove that I am still alive.

But it just never happened.

All i can do is type out all these for myself,

and cry to myself and comfort myself that I will be fine.

 

I am so tired of doing all these by myself for the whole life,

lying to myself that I am fine,

lying to myself that everyone is much stronger than me,

lying to myself that I can handle it.

but i just can’t say a word or cry in front of people I loved.

it’s so painful.

After watching the play of “Pichet Klunchun and Myself“, I wrote a response not only for the homework, but as an artist of how I feel and learn from it.

Besides of learning the culture clashes between Thailand and France, I find the interesting common between both of them, with the representative of traditional Thai Khon dance choreographer and the contemporary choreographer. For example, some of the historical fact of the performance like Thai Khon dance is originated from the King of Thailand; whereas, the renowned ballet is also come from King Louis 14th in france. I find Thai Khon dance very intriguing and having a depth sense of performance, there is always a reason behind each particular movement; compared to ballet, Khon dance has a circular motion to represent the energy is in circular motion. Even though Khon dance is an amazing dance, Thai people and others find it difficult to understand without any explanation. From Jerome’s demonstration, at first I find it unexplainable, but with his ideas and explanation, I realized the meaning of contemporary art which is to be equal and relates to reality, and the usage of stage to pertain people’s own experience as an art. There’s so much more to discover in the play of “Pichet Klunchun and Myself”. Last but not least, the comedy and interesting sharing makes audience or as a viewer to have a deeper thought and realize the interesting side of performance art.

Hypothetical Art & Interview project

I was attracted to one of the commercial of an artist painting or drawing features of a person who also describe his or her features. If spatial and time is unlimited, I would really want to travel around the world, paint and draw on canvas on two sides, one is what they think they look like, another one is what I as an artist draw how she and he actually looks more beautiful than they ever thought of. To enhance the beauty and confidence of the person I drew, I would also draw the desired wishes he or she hoping themselves could have. With the illusions of what people think they look like, and the reality that they could do better and look better than they thought, hopefully in the process of discovering the true beauty of themselves, they can be more powerful and confident in what they could do and able to do.

In the interview project, we are allowed to think big and what we could do with interviews. With the attraction of one of the commercials I have seen and the responses I have read, the above plot is kind of what I think in a way I would like it to be. I’m a very contradictory person, whom understand the beauty of confidence but always lack of confidence.

對我來說，自信心是一種希望，給自己一種積極的想法，繼以希望那件事可以到達所想的結果。

自信心的用處是在於沒有其他方法，只希望那件事可以有所成果。

對我來說，確信心是我個人應為有的某種自信心，是確定自己有做好，以及做好可以做的情況下所有的信心。

可能我不是沒有自信心的人，但我討厭沒有付諸行動，等待結果會變好的思想。

做好一件事，最重要的是你做好了所有你想過的方法，未到最後我沒有想什麼是不可能。

到了真的無望，到了你做了你可以做的方法，那我才會允許自己去抱有自信心。

很多事情如果可以有準備，就用心去用行動去證明自己的能力，不要總想它自行會好。

 

它可能會有它的命運，但命運的選擇是出自於你。

不知不覺已經21歲了

希望自己幸運、幸福、健康

雖則有時知道 朋友會忘記我的生日

我依然很想得到他們的祝福

以前總想生日快點到來

現在不想生日那麼快來臨

感覺愈大愈覺得自己的重要性愈來愈渺小

愈不忍心知道有誰記得起我的生日

I’ll be alright.

在一個全球化的世界之中
我們意識到我們的言行舉止會對世界有所影響

也許如此 我們一直都要求自己完美、做世界標準的「好」
以防跌入一個所謂「壞」的無底深淵

歧視 是一個concept
以香港為例 我們歧視的不是中國人 大陸人
而是他們的言行 對我們不尊重
但由於他們的言行讓我們對於表面類似的人有所防範
有認識其他中國人的都知道 有很多中國人都很友善
有很多中國人是很尊重的 有學識之人

在一個全球化的世界，
很多標準都會有所同化，
例如，由人生意義的如何待人到商業的如何製作電影，
有很多事情會衍生出一套的方程式。
但誰來斷定是好是壞？

對中國人來說 在不同的世界 有自己的一套？
對香港人來說 在不同的世界 要有不同的自己 去尊重當地文化？

太多太多的標準 有很多灰色地帶都不能一一分為黑白
令到我們都不知道如何才能進退 如何才是知道下一步會是未來

美國也不是如何華麗的國家
是很多不同的人居住的國家 但充滿著歧視
黑白的分別 白就是代表好 有知識之人
黑就是等於低層 黑奴的命運

明明是白人佔據了黑人的生活、人民、地方
這是一個很危險的意識
有可能因為這樣 黑人有了借口去做壞事
亦都有黑人因此要決心反抗
同時 都會有白人利用這種歧視去保護自己
去做壞事再推到黑人身上
亦有白人會因此反對歧視

歧視是長久以來從古至今的一種分類
是非常unintentional （不是存心的）
歧視也有保護自己的說法
由於有了分類 我們會防範自己
去做一些迎合對方的事 或有關的事

從歧視中
我看到很多事情都處於灰色地帶
也令到我們自身都難以從灰色地帶中走出來
變得不知如何向前 亦不知從哪開始
很多現代人都變得不知如何決擇

世界能真的同化嗎？
走向和平之路 很多偉大的人挺身走險
希望能夠給世界一點方向
當我們都希望有一個更好的世界之中
我們不可以忽略在進化過程之中的犧牲
和平不是一直和平的
和平是從無數的犧牲、戰爭中換出的

有歧視 就會有 反歧視的存在
而我們能做到的就是從中抱有希望
有這樣的一個人帶領我們去共同面對一切的難題

我們很多人都是處於不安的心靈
因為有太多太多的考慮 太多太多的不同的後果
如果要成功把人救出來
要必須要有一個人走出來
把我們的不安都帶到面前 逼我們面對真實的自己
然後發覺到很多人都是同樣 很多人都渴望愛

nick vujicic 是一個inspirational speaker
好像微不足道的一個行業 但往往是我們人類實際所需的
我們的進化 從economic、political、再到cultural
文化是需要我們去發展 更多的溝通 更多的共同

種族是有所分別 那不是優勢和劣勢之分
we are different in a world
but we are also one in a world.

at last, we are all just humans.