September 17, 2013
-
killing me vibrantly
when physical and emotional problems come together,
somehow it’s really hard to get hold of yourself.
My emotions and feelings collapsed, and all these turns into tears
I didn’t tell this to anyone beside him.
I don’t know who I can go for a talk, I don’t know what can I do about that.
I felt weak, shame of myself.
sometimes pressure just come,
you don’t know how to breathe,
you felt tiredness and wanted to run away.
I feel like I can’t eat or sleep anymore.
I don’t know who to talk to,
I don’t know what I can do except crying to vent out my pressures.
I can feel like I am killing myself everyday.
Blessing and praying for everyone I loved.
Trying not to bother them, hoping they could enjoy their lives.
Keeping all these negative emotions to myself.
And present the best mask I could put on to hide away my weakness.
Whenever i feel weak,
i just always hope that there’s someone who can save me from all these sufferings.
Embrace my fragile heart and hug me tight to prove that I am still alive.
But it just never happened.
All i can do is type out all these for myself,
and cry to myself and comfort myself that I will be fine.
I am so tired of doing all these by myself for the whole life,
lying to myself that I am fine,
lying to myself that everyone is much stronger than me,
lying to myself that I can handle it.
but i just can’t say a word or cry in front of people I loved.
it’s so painful.