What if I need you baby, would you try to save me?

What if I say I love you, who would you run to?

- What if, Ashley Tisdale 

累到連張開口說話都覺得太麻煩

又失眠了 睡了三小時 九點就出車送麻麻看醫生

在車上休息一回 再送麻麻回家 又去睡兩小時

睡完又去出車返學 又再一口氣捱餓撐到晚上十點才回家

我不是抱怨什麼 只是想說有點累罷了

我知道這又算什麼 只不過是我睡不好 

 

對了交代一下，我下禮拜就去紐約了

人生第一次去很興奮的說，

但想起一個人帶著兩位小朋友就頭痛了－＿－

我這個太疼妹妹的姐姐還要早就安排好玩什麼

那裡住、什麼時候訂票…一腳踢

我真的不忍心也不放心讓他們就這樣草草決定

而且我這個人對小朋友是疼愛但沒耐性

希望這次的旅行要順利啊 要有美好的回憶

本想跟朋友去的 可是他們就一句去過了就不再跟我去…

也罷了 就好好嘗試自己去計劃旅行吧

 

在還沒有回港我這個狀態就是忍耐

忍耐疲倦 忍耐寂寞 忍耐自己的不快

忍耐自己的情感 不想自己那麼脆弱

還有一、兩個月就可以回家休息

只要再撐多一回兒 就只要那麼一點

 

男朋友的朋友拍拖了 說實話我真的不感興趣

看著朋友幸福笑完之後就是淚流滿面 只會感到心痛

換了另一個又是重新來一次 有誰會想見到朋友痛哭

所以對於朋友拍拖的事都不聞不問就是這個原因

 

不過想起了以前青春少女的時候 

對著喜歡的人面紅 心跳加速 不自然

就算是一丁點的身體接觸都會很敏感

為了那一點兒的事情都會上心

期待著那個人跟你開口說喜歡你

跟那個人總是鬥鬥嘴

有時被當作真的女孩般溫柔對待、保護

經歷了自己確認喜歡那個人的決心

尷尬緊張的氣氛下萌芽出一段感情

很羨慕呢 這樣的青春 

而且男朋友就只是問了我做不做他女朋友

連追都沒有追過我-_- 很悲哀 裝一下也好

還是陶醉在漫畫世界中感受好了 T_T

或者是寄託於又深情又好笑又好男人的 姜GARY好了

 

好了吐糟了那麼多 該去做完功課去睡 唉

幾天都沒睡好
又想太多了…
做什麼都覺得很累

1. I love watching friends playing video games, and myself playing video games, favorite game: assassin creed

2. Hate it when there's no immediate response (phone/ texts..) really dislike...

3. Sometimes forget to breathe when I am stressed

4. Love and enjoy my home being crowded, it's really cheerful atmosphere for me

5. NEVER know how to spell tongue / tougue?

6. Always calculate prices before buying

7. Love dogs and cats >_< so cute....

8. Can watch animes/ comics/ books/ magazines/ animal TV programmes whole day

9. Know English well than Chinese but barely read English books...

10. My body always maintain in a low temperature ... Don't know why..

1. I could be very cranky when I am hungry and sleepy, so you better talk less or stay away lol.

2. Sushi is the only food I can eat almost everyday.

3. I am quite impatience in personality. I don't really like waiting as it really wastes my time.

4. I am a song killer. If I love a song, I can play it over and over and over and over ... until I get sick of it. 

5. I had a phobia of darkness! I can't sleep without lights. I feel safer with lights on..

6. I hate to deal with troublesome things..like gossips, being in the middle of fights..

7. I love to paint and draw anything.

8. When I have meals, I always have to force myself to eat up everything, and having my dishes being clean. 

9. I love shaking and dancing at home when there is music playing in the background XD

10. I love to wrap myself with blankets no matter winter or summer XD like a sushi.

11. I love to play risky games: bungee jump, roller coastersssss, hopefully skydiving will be in my list XD

12. my favorite color is white, I wish everything I had could be white LOL

13. I hate it when I lose one of my pair of socks...it seems like the laundry machine just takes that sock into mysterious blackhole or whatever -_-

14. I don't like watching scary or horror films. 

15. I stop drinking coke for manyyyyy years. I hate to taste them when they are warm -_-....it's just disgusting..

16. I feel myself more like a boy than a girl -_-... the thoughts...sometimes I don't understand what girls thinking..

17. I love listening to songs every time anywhere.

18. Sometimes I can't talk well in chinese lol...

19. I had a hard time understanding chinese languages..don't know how to imagine the situations of the chinese poems 

20. I talk fast, walk fast, think fast, eat fast -_-.... I can't stand when people walk so slow..

21. I love sleeping more than eating..probably I think rests is more important than food..

22. I love drinking more than eating... as I don't really like the feeling of being too full.

23. No matter how late it is, I still take a shower before sleep. 

24. I don't like to eat chinese beef balls since my childhood, it just tastes weird to me...-_-

25. I don't know how to cook at all.. I can easily burn food LOL

26. I like to brush my teeth~ I get rabbit stamp for my achievement booklet for cleaning my teeth XD

27. I could be very shy in front of those people I don't know. 

28. I always surprise people with my dirty thoughts with my childlike face XD

29. I like people being straightforward and honest to me.

30. I have a hard time of making decisions... that's why I tend not to think too much about it -3-

31. I love driving my baby car >3<

32. I love to travel with friends and family to anywhere.

33. I am really a sensitive and emotional person, so my moods can be heightened in a minute and drop the next minute..

34. I cry easily, like watching a character in comics died... T^T

35. I like to pay attention to technology news more than politic news...

36. I am such a lazy person...never like to get off my bed till I am super hungry LOL

37. I don't like peanut butter...I think because my grandma made me peanut butter with egg...

38. I don't like myself to be selfish or any evil personalities..

39. I always over-think too much and make myself worried and stress -_- all theee time....

40. I can poo any toilets XD I don't feel myself being limited to my home toilet

41. I am very naughty and rebellious, doing things people don't want me to do

42. I don't like people forcing me to do things, soo pushhhy

43. I like to stuff my mouth full of foodies XD like a hamster...it's my joyful way of eating haha

44. I like cross accessories/pattern/clothes....it's a unique symbol to me

45. I love to discover new things, like new technologies, new designs, new concepts....blahhsss

46. I love SUMMER! >3< cuz it's my holidayssss~ playing, sleeping, farting (jk...)

47. I am a perfectionist......-_- yea I am a virgo, always expecting myself to good and hard to myself ALWAYS

48. This is a weird one..but I don't like people to disturb me or make me laugh when I am crying..XD

49. Definitely love green tea drinks/ desserts >w<

50. Never cook a meal to ANYONE XD ( provided by bf)

Letter: To My Love

To My friend My sister My love My family - Ella Chung#LoVe_ChRoNiClE_05:

First of all~ I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY FEMALE LOVER FOREVER! 

The things you wrote on my wall shocked me. 
Your tears woke me up.
Not that I don't want to reply you in anyway.
I couldn't find a way to express it.
No matter how hard I was trying to hide it,
you always pick up the real me.
For a moment after what everything happened,
I thought I will never have the strength to stand up anymore.
When my world broke apart, you came out and lifted me up gently.
I love you so much all the time but I have never expected
anyone would worry about me that much.
No, thats why I was so shocked
when I heard you were so upset and cried because of me. 

I have came to england for so many years
but I have never ever told anyone how I truly felt.
In fact, I felt lonely and sad.
Never actually been happy for once in here.
I didn't want to tell anyone to make them worry.
That was unnecessary. It sounds really stupid but somehow
I thought finding a partner would smooth some of the pain.
I guess this is the reason why I look so desperate to find the right one. 

Actually I summarised all these from last two weeks.
I have lost my way for being me all these time.
You woke me up. Your tears, your gentle woke me up.
You torn my wrong concept. My world start to bright again.
This is quit unbelievable that I am in England
and you are all the way in LA.
We are so far away from each other
but you make me feel so close and warm.
Just a simple few words, you make me realised that
I was being loved all these time.
For the first time, I feel like I am not alone anymore.
My eyes had been too focus on some shits
and missed out so many good stuffs.
You healed me i guess.
Jumped out of nowhere like always
and give me this huge wake up alarm.
But I am thankful. Really thankful!
Thank you lord!and Thank you you!
I can't really imagine how life is without you!
I love you all the time!!! 
Now that I am awake now,
I just want to treasure my life,
treasure my love ones and
treasure everything that I have missed out.
You are always the bright light in my life. 

 

Do you still remember this? 

 

Bruno Mars 

Count On Me

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1, 2, 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it
I can count on you like 4, 3, 2
And you'll be there
'cause that's what friends are supposed to do oh yeah
ooooooh, oooohhh yeah yeah

---------------------------------------------------------

@loving_venuslwt 

After reading your entry,
I still can't find the right words to say.
I still cry whenever I read it.
probably I'm also shocked that how important 
you think of me to you. 
I never think of myself being important or what. 
I just treat you as my lifetime best friend as always.
Never a second thought of you being my best friend.
because you are the first friend that firmly believe me.
You allowed me to be me when I'm around you,
because you are always honest with me.
No matter how many fights we had,
I still feel that I love you and truly believe in you.

When you told me you break up with him,
I can sense that you were depress,
even you didn't talk much about it. 
As you took my advice to find anthony,
and stay at his apartment,
I'm glad you did this.
Thankful anthony did treat you well.
What I heard from him,
is that you cried for hours 
and being so skinny these days.
I know you've been hiding these pains,
but I am glad that you have places to 
run out your tears. 

You may not remember this,
but you cried once I hugged you in MTR. 
I remembered your face clearly,
crying and shaking while I'm holding you.
(actually you cried many times in front of me.)
That is why I know how painful you would be.
I feel so bad that I can't be beside you. 
You always pretend to be strong and cheerful,
but you are so much weaker and real when you cry.

I know I can't be beside you.
But I know how you feel. 
Whatever you had felt, I always feel the same.
The loneliness and sadness you had experienced,
it may not be the same situation,
but I know loneliness and sadness well. 
I also keep them to myself and 
not wanting people to worry. 
I am not really happy at all 
when I first came to LA too.
But I don't want to talk about it
and make someone worry,
it's too unnecessary for me.

You may not know,
but I always pray for you.
And I always feel the same thing you feel,
whenever and wherever we are.
( I don't know why but I always know that)
Knowing you is like seeing myself in reflection. 
So babe, be sure to take care of yourself. 
I know we can do it, no matter how far we are,
as we are always link to each other. 

 ->

Dear Friend // Stacie Orrico

What's on your mind
You don't laugh the way you used to
But I've noticed how you cry
Dear friend I feel so helpless
I see you sit in silence
As you face new pain each day
I feel there's nothing I can do
I know you don't feel pretty
Even though you are
But it wasn't your beauty
That found truth in my heart

Dear friend you are so precious
Dear friend

Dear friend
I'm here for you
I know that you don't talk too much
But we can share this day anew
Dear friend
Please don't feel like you're alone
There is someone who is praying 
Praying for your piece of mind
Hoping joy is what you find

I know you don't feel weak
Even though you are
But it wasn't your strength 
That found room in my heart

Dear friend
You are so precious
Dear friend

Maybe it's time for me to let go of myself and started to face new things.

從來都是逼不得已

被逼著如何去放開一個人

被逼著去做選擇

被逼著去做犧牲的一個

被逼著選一些自己本不想要的

被逼著做不了自己

被逼著強顏歡笑

被逼著去配合

被逼著去接受那冷嘲熱諷 

被逼著去不要哭

被逼著自己去接受根本接受不了的事

被逼著去迎合期望

被逼著去承受痛苦

…

因為從有到無

不知道為什麼 我們這麼容易就分開了 但眼淚 卻不停的往下流
浴室裡的牙刷已經不見了 你殘留的氣味也跟著消失
我隻是想對你說聲「我愛你」
但你的電話卻怎麼也打不通 相框裡的照片已經不見了
你掉落的頭髮也跟著消失 帶著空虛的心走在街上
眼淚卻還是不停掉下 你已經不在這裡

讓我無法呼吸 甚至不能停留
因為你不在我身邊 我漸漸消失
但你卻不在 卻不在 卻不在 卻不在
你已不在這裡 讓我失去笑容
因為你已不在 讓我漸漸崩潰
討厭看見那樣的自己 但我沒有任何依靠

RAP: 為何像個傻瓜 每天自甘墮落著
沒有了你 我隻是失去陽光的花朵
隻能訴說著所承擔的苦痛 是痛苦的
是悲傷的 是孤獨的 然後今晚還是哭著睡著了
討厭看見自己 喝醉時的醜態
即使想找個人打鬧 卻是再也不可能的事
因為你已經離開 因為你已經離開
再沒有人能夠讓我傾訴了

你已經不在這裡 讓我無法呼吸
甚至不能停留 因為你不在我身邊
我漸漸消失 但你卻不在 卻不在
卻不在 卻不在 你已不在這裡
讓我失去笑容 因為你已不在
讓我漸漸崩潰 討厭看見那樣的自己
但我沒有任何依靠

因為你 你 你 已經不在我的身邊守候 請你 回來吧

－－－－－－－－－－

請你靠著我的肩膀哭
即使我自身都身不由己
即使我也哭到乏力了
即使我也在悲傷
即使我也是被犧牲的一個
即使我安慰不了你

但即使我很弱小
我會為了保護你變得強大
因為我知道你很痛苦
因為我知道你可以依靠我
我的心永遠是你的歸宿
所以要哭就和我一起哭
不要持強不要再在我面前裝

知道嗎？

你給我的這首歌 我有同樣的感覺
我都很想很想哭 很想你在我身邊
雖然我不在你身邊
但請你等我在你身邊前都好好活著
好好對自己 

恐懼本身就不可怕
可怕的是痛苦

I have wondered about whether or not to post unreachable out,
'cuz at first I thought it is somehow a personal thing,
but after that, I reconsidered these feelings might be same for most people, 
so I just decided to publish it out.

The another important reason I wanted to address is,
my best friend just broke up, 
so I really wanted to support her by writing this.
I hope she knew that we had almost the same feeling.
I hope she understand I love her no matter wtf is going on.
I had seen tons of scenarios like that, 
seeing her surrounded by people that isn't compatible with her.
She might not see that by herself, 
or even though she knew it she will continue to do this. 
It's like watching a movie,
watching her striving to find the right one, 
even though the right one is just beside her. 
but things had their own way. 

Maybe it's just my problem, 
lacking the experience of bfssssss...
well maybe because i'm pretty satisfied with my relationship.
no worries. no discomfort. being myself. being loved.
7 years of relationship really had undergone tons of obstacles though.
its kind of a fortune that we had almost everything same,
and then having years to tweak and grow up together.
Instead of finding a new one to solve those old problems,
I would rather stuck with the old one to make things clear.
(just like credit card...)

I personally hate to deal with troublesome too..
what i can say is that im just being lucky
to find a guy to love me and in a stable relationship
there's some of tips that
I might suggested for a long-term relationship:

1. be honest to him/her
- it isn't easy I know but being honest is important

2. trust each other
- no matter what had gone wrong, try to trust before judging 

3. being objective in a relationship
- sometimes we are too subjective in relationship, 
having too many emotions and lack of depth...
- being objective could be something to calm down 
the rush and keep the balance in a relationship.

4. discover more of him/her
- dont stop knowing him/her, 
there is something you can find to discover 
no matter how many years...
- e.g. just find out my bf WAS a christian,
after knowing him for 7 years. -_-

5. contribute in a relationship
- keep having surprises in a long run,
doesn't have to be every month or scheduled,
have surprises suddenly to "spice it up"!
- make something to cheer your partner
- try to adapt a change your partner might want

6. communicate often
- 1/2 days communicate at least once,
so that gives some spaces and still keep communication
- say what you had in your mind, any random things

7. solve problems together face-to-face
- do not just leave out one side to face those problems
- a relationship need both parties to carry responsibility
- a face-to-face sometimes could solve some of the
misunderstandings you might had in phone or texts

8. have fun
- try to be yourself in front of him/her
- play carefree 

 

i'm not an expert neither a good girlfriend 
but i wanted to help on these affairs
avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

 

xoxo biatches

Close yet far.

No matter how many no matter there is,
things matters to me only.